Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
