I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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