When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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