Will you blow on my dice?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
