I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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