I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
