I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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