Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
