I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize