Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
