i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
