i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
