Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
