Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
