True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
