At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
