I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are all done wearing pants today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
