Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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