I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
