Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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