do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
