I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
