I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
