oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
