I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
