good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
