rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
