I intend to get homeless drunk
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
