I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
