She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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