Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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