are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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