Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk is not a location!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
