I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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