I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
