wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
