Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
