I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
