im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
