Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
