we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
