So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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