I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
