I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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