i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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