He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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