Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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