Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
