I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
