Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize