Whatcha textin bout Willis?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
