just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
