sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize