dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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