Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
