I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
