Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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