So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Congratulations! We have a period
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
