Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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