But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
