I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
