I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
