If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
