I hate your face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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