I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We named our party play list daddy issues
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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