I don't think brook has ever known best
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize