Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
