Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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