someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
