Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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