i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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